To the person that left me this on the train.
Um Thanks!? The fact that this is the only thing left in the seat leaves me with many questions:
- What is it? At first I thought it was a pickle, but luckily for me I had an hour to analyze it. At one point I was pretty sure that it was a jalapeno pepper but after about 30 minutes I realized that my vegetology knowledge was not up to speed and that I would never really discover the origin without extensive testing.
- Why is this the only sample? I can’t image that you were carrying this in your pocket and decided to leave this for generations to discover in the future(and by future I mean the next guy who rides this train). Which makes me think that you were eating something and picked this specimen off whatever it was you were eating. If that was the case thank you for not leaving all of your leftovers in the seat. On second thought F%$k you because if you had left the remnants of whatever the hell you were eating you wouldn’t have made me think about this for an hour!
- Where were you going? If I were eating this I can’t imagine what I would be on my way to doing. I’m guessing you were on your way downtown to make bums fight on video during a crystal meth fueled vision quest (I may be way off base on this one).
- How much respect do you have for your fellow man? I’m sure some people would see this and say “How Rude!” but I see this as an adventure and I feel very lucky! In fact I feel like an archeologist who just found something about ancient people and can only image what it was like to live in your time where it was fine to just leave weird genetically mutated organisms laying around
Dear Gentleman Rider,
You have a keen eye indeed. You have discovered my first clue and earned a chip in the big game. You are very close to discovering which condiments I do not like, but furthermore you have spied the detail that most would have missed. It was an easy deduction that this meal came from the downtown area given the time of day and the heading of the train. The saucy bits are easily identifiable in the busy streets of our fair city. What truly impresses me is not all would have observed that a bite had been taken out of the garnish, and yet it was left behind. It could be that I merely was unaware of the presence of the unwelcomed morsel and discovered all to late. I am a man of detail and mystery. It would be folly to beleive that someone as detailed as I would not have full inventory of my metroplitan born nurishments. So where did the bite come from? I can see you are astute but you have not fully arrived as master of intrigue just yet at our scene. You hesitate to name the beast because of the texture and coloration. It may not matter entirely as it seems to have lead you here. One may take further inspection and notice that it is not infact a shade to be viewed but moisture. The darker area is dried, in the proximity of the bite. Nay I did stray from my precise mandibular stroke to the feast. This meal was shared. There was a second before me that ingested this feast. Well before my participation. Long enough for the wounded to dry. I would take time to celebrate the success of my ruse as you have missed this detail, but you seem to have a sense of the broader picture. It is as if you were there when I pilfered this portion from the trash bin. How else would you have the notion of our underground nonsanctioned bum fighting league. Sometimes genius involved a little luck. You went down the path and missed the first turn, but were able to doubleback, swift afoot and trace or steps through the thickets. On this I am most impressed. You know the station, you know the crime, but where and who is calling you. Keep a watch for my next clue. Will your insite find it?
Sincerely
The Phantom of the Commute